Timing

The following was a recent facebook status update from a friend of mine:

Frustrating and slow start to the morning, as I waited and waited (and waited) for the kids to clean up their multiple-puzzle disaster that had overtaken our living room before starting school. Puzzle pieces mixed up and scattered EVERYWHERE. (Ever the awesome encourager that I am, I helped them along with motherly love, like, "C'mon guys, it's getting late, let's GO! We have things to DO!")

Ten minutes later, their devotional to start our day was a listing of praises for the kids (and I) to offer to God.

Included on the list: Your timing is perfect - never too early or too late.

And in case I didn't quite catch that Ah-ha thought for the day, the devotional ended with: Your plan is perfect. Sometimes *puzzling* and hard to understand. But perfect.

Puzzling. Yes, ha ha. I got it. (But, yes, sometimes, being spoon fed and reminded that He speaks to us, even through books intended for little ones, is nice.)

I am constantly questioning timing.

What is God's timing, and what is just the shit that will happen?

I was recently on the phone with a woman who was telling me about her diagnosis with Colitis: It was the 1950's, she was fourteen, and her parents were in the middle of a divorce. A friend had a baby recently, and he needs more than one expensive surgery. In June, I lost my job as soon as Husband found a new one. Funny, since he lost his last job as soon as I got the job that I just lost. Over five years ago, Husband's company went out of business weeks after I found out I was pregnant with Elf. Then we found out there was something wrong with her umbilical cord, and I couldn't work.

Now, because we had to leave where we were, we ended up where we are now. In a house that we adore, in a great neighborhood, with one of the best public schools in the state. We have an amazing church family.

What was God's timing?

I know that I don't believe that God has a big electric board, pushing a button every time every thing happens. This button is for kittens being born! Someone's winning the lottery! Car accident! Leukemia!

I do believe that somethings things happen that are intended to happen to teach us something, to help us grow. Good things and bad things. Damn, don't I wish I knew when it was God and when it was just life!

Speaking of timing, I have a doctor's appointment in half an hour so I'ma take a shower.

What I want this to be:

My faith hasn't really done much in a while. 


I'm glad I have it, and I know why I have it, but I haven't been checking in on it. It's just there. I feel like it's a part of my heart and brain that I've taken for granted, and as a result, it's atrophied. No. Not atrophied. That makes it sound like something is wrong with it. It's not sick, it's just...ugh, I'm about to one of my least favorite words, but it's exactly what's going on.

My faith has gotten lazy. 

I have let my faith get lazy.

I hate lazy. I don't hate relaxed, or laid-back. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a relaxed faith. I know lots of people who don't go to church regularly, or identify with a particular denomination, but their faith isn't lazy, they just challenge it in other ways. Heck, in college, I was that. I almost never went to church, and I found ways to challenge my faith through fellowship and study. My faith wasn't lazy then.

I realized this when I was telling the story from Mark 4:35-40 this past Sunday to a room full of kids. 


That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!”Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”


I think the disciples had it easy. Jesus was right there. So, when they forgot what they were doing, of who Jesus was, he could just wave his hands in their faces and say "Dude! I'm Christ, I got this." I don't have a guy physically in my house, tossing throw pillows at my head and reminding me that he's the best thing that ever happened to me. Jesus is in my heart, yes, but the guy isn't here. The disciples had the guy. They totally had it easier than we do!

And that's my excuse for being a crap disciple: No guy.

That's a terrible excuse. Thus, the reason I am starting this blog. I have no idea how often I'm going to post, and it is very likely that a lot of my posts are going to be links to things that made me say "Ooh! This! Yes!"

This is going to serve as a coffee shot to the parts of me that once put more work into my faith.